Friday, December 11, 2009

Efficiency Expert

How can I make this my title and get people to pay me for it?  I feel like a union may be involved.  I am in the Atlanta Airport this morning and people need help.  Just everyday people who don't know how inefficient they are or how much they are annoying me.

Security:  Travelling in the winter is a little more difficult than other times of the year because of the amount of layers.  However, some people cause themselves even more trouble than is necessary by attaching everything they own to them prior to getting in the security line.  There is no need.  Put the extra stuff in your carry on bag and get it out afterwards.  Also, items do not have to be neatly folded in the bins...just throw them in and be on your way.  Take off your shoes for goodness sake.  Move your stuff forward when there is room.  I don't want to have to yell at you, but I will.  P.S. All children, the elderly and the overdressed should be sent to the same line as they all take more than their fair share of security time.

Starbucks:  We are only a few short weeks away from 2010.  As a functioning adult, it is your responsibility to know what a latte is and the sizing requirements of a Starbucks.  If you do not know what a latte is, the line at a major airport at 8:00 am is not the time to learn.  Google search that first.  Otherwise, order something else.  If you must order in small, medium and large, fine...but that's really not what they're called. Once you have ordered your items, especially in an airport Starbucks, you need to have an exit strategy.  Please do NOT wait until your 15 hot chocolates have arrived before calling to your family for help.  This is also not the place to ask for random things from the do not need straws for your hot drinks.  The cup holsters have a small dab of glue in the middle of each one so that they lay flat.  You peel it apart and insert the cup.  They are all like this.  You are not getting defective ones.  Stop trying them and then putting them back.  You have a lot of children and are clearly a walking petri dish....stop touching everything.  MOVE. 

Walkways:  You should treat walkways as if they are highways.  If you need to stop, you don't just come to a stop in the middle of the pull over on the side.  You watch where you're going if you're going to re-enter traffic.  And if you need to turn around, you don't just throw it in reverse and then execute a quick turn like you're one of the Dukes of Hazzard.  Stop, look and listen.  This is also true for other public spaces...the grocery store, the mall, etc.

As the self-appointed "law around here" on these issues and I will start citing offenders.  You will be identified and ridiculed and invoiced.  It will be better if you can prove that you can act in a rational manner and not impede the progress of the rest of the world.  It's for your own good.  You'll thank me someday, and until then you can make your checks payable to KJ.

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